When it rains it pours.

Well, we're on the 18th day of the month and I'm no where near the finish line for NaNoWriMo. I do believe I will fail in my 50K words this year. :(  I've had so much to deal with lately I knew it would be near impossible to take on the challenge this year. But that's me, I jump in and see what happens.

As I've already posted about, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer last month, and since then it has been a wild ride of nonstop doctor appointments, chemo treatments, and scheduling/filling/picking up scripts for all her prescriptions. Plus my "regular" life of raising children and caring for my household (dogs, cats, chickens, & even a husband!). And now, my paternal grandmother is at the final stage of her life. It won't be long before she'll be gone, and I've only known her for two years.

Yeah, it has been rough around here. I feel like I'm being pulled in more directions than my body can actually manage to be pulled in. There have been days where all I want to do is scream into a pillow and punch a wall (but I haven't...yet).

Not to mention, the longer I go without writing, the more frustrated I become. Frustration has become my middle name. :(  Writing is my break from the real world, a time to enjoy a fantasy world, and a way for me to vent without it actually being all about ME.

I texted my husband the other day on a particularly hard day and said, "I don't know why I even bother anymore."  To which my supportive man replied, "Because you love doing it."  And he was right. I do love writing! I love creating worlds from nothing. I love seeing what kinds of troubles my
characters will get into. And I especially love my readers!

I have been trying to hold onto his words: Because you love doing it. I needed that reminder. I needed that second of remembrance to feel connected to my day job. Even if I haven't been able to work like I'm used to. Writing is one of my joys and I certainly don't want to lose that.

So I'm going to resign myself to being a "loser" of NaNoWriMo this year. That's just the way it has to be. I don't have enough hours in the day to even come close to catching up and still do everything else I'm responsible for.

I will continue making handwritten notes while I'm sitting beside my mom watching poisons being pumped into her body to combat an enemy far worse. I will continue to type snippets into my cell phone notepad while I'm waiting for one of my kids to come out of school at pickup time. And I will continue to feel extremely frustrated about not having the hours and alone time to bring those notes and snippets onto my manuscript's pages. One way or another things will get done, even if it isn't on my timetable (and obviously it's not). I just have to remind myself to breathe, not panic, and just move along until things calm down enough to get back into my routine.

Mom is improving tremendously. She's beginning to take care of herself more and we're hoping it won't be long that she'll be able to take care of her own house again. Until then, I'll try not to scream into a pillow and punch a wall.

Having a frustrated morning.

Well, it's another gorgeous day here in north Georgia. I'm totally loving this weather. We actually slept with the windows open in the house last night. That was nice! I woke up in a great mood. Then the day got better when my friend Lisa texted to tell me that her baby boy had been born a few hours earlier. Congratulations Lisa!!!

So why am I frustrated, you ask?

I'm frustrated with doctors!! Yep, doctors! Last Friday when I had to take Tim to the doctor we had the worst appointment ever. It was a practice we'd never been to (as we're in search of a good family practice right now) and I can assure you that we'll never go back there again. UGH!

Anyway, Tim and I have been discussing fertility. Or more precise, us not wanting more children. I've always had a rule that if I'm the person giving up my body to bring our children into the world, then he'll be the one to put a stop to it when the time comes. So now the time has come. He says he's as ready as he'll ever be, so let's get it done.

I went through our insurance company's website to see who was in-network and local. We narrowed it down to a practice in the next town over. I called this morning to get the ball rolling and found out that they want the entire price ($1,230) up front! ACK!

Now keep in mind that our insurance will pay 100% of this procedure AND this practice is in-network. Yet they make you pay it all up front and then we have to file it with the insurance. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

When I questioned her on the sanity of that, the little girl on the phone says she can transfer me to the billing department so they could clarify the details. I told her there was no point in doing that as I don't simply have $1200 laying around to hand them. LOL!

So now I'm back to searching for another doctor, only further away. Ugh! I hate doctor hunting, and we were really wanting to use one close, but I guess that won't be happening.

Off I go to bitch to Tim and find someone else to call about this.

Hope you're havng a better morning!

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UPDATE: Yay!! I found him a doctor! Woohoo! It's about 20 mins further away, but these people were sooooo much nicer. She made the appointment for his consultation right then, answered all my financial questions, and even told me some things I didn't think to ask about. Much better!

We have a consultation next Thursday at 10:30am and then we'll schedule the procedure then. The doctor only does them on Thursdays, so it'll probably be the next week. That means Tim will have four days of recovery before he has to go back to work. YAY!!!

Okay,now I'm happy again. :-)

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